doctors found a mass in my abdomen - I'll be gone for ??

[Rían]

Hello dear fellow Mooters!

The doctors found a very large mass in my abdomen yesterday, which explains a lot of my symptoms over the last few months, and they are fast-tracking me to surgery - I was at doctors and labs all day today, getting bits and pieces taken off and tested. I'm guessing the surgery will be next week, because they are "stat"-ing everything. We don't know if it's benign or malignant yet, or where it came from. One bit of possible good news - at first we thought it was on an ovary, which is very bad news, but now they aren't sure. I'll probably find out Monday.

I don't know if or when I'll be back. I'm very weak to begin with, and ... well, I just don't know what will happen, so I just wanted to say good-bye either for good or for a while. I'm SO grateful I found the Moot, and the many, many wonderful people here. You guys have meant so much to me, and I treasure so many memories from here - there are so many good and kind and thoughtful and smart and funny people here, and I've learned so much and had so much fun. You guys have been by me in the rough times, and we've had fun together in the good times. And thanks to Ben for starting this wonderful place!

Keep the Teacup Cafe open for me, and I thank God for you all. You really have meant a great deal to me.

Love,
Rian

[Noble Elf Lord]

Oh dear.... Here's hoping.

All the best for you and yours.

AND: we're expecting you back, don't you forget

[Valandil]

Rian - I'll be praying for you!!!

[Earniel]

You mean a great deal to us too, RÃ*an. I don't want to use the past tense here.

I'll be thinking of you and hoping to see you again. Best of luck with the surgery.

[tolkienfan]

Oh RÃ*an!! I very much hope that everything goes well. You're part of what makes this place so wonderful

[Insidious Rex]

Rian,

I look forward to seeing you back here...

Be strong and be positive and always keep yourself focused on many things. Especially your loves and your loved ones.

[Mari]

Dear Rian,

Iḿ wishing and praying for the best and I hope to see you again.
Thank you for telling us.

[Beren3000]

Rian, you're one of the people who made the Moot what it is. I'll pray for you.

Stay strong and we'll see you back here soon, hopefully

[Rían]

Thanks so much, guys! You really mean a lot to me. The Moot has added so much to my life and I really love all of my iFriends here!

Update is that it's some type of ovarian cancer, but rather an unusual kind, which could be good (i.e., I might not need chemo afterwards). But it's as big as a 4-month pregnancy. I've never seen so many doctors work so quickly - my surgery is tomorrow, just a week after I found out. I've been to 3 doctors and had multiple tests, and referrals flying through often only in hours this past week. They'll have to play golf for at least a month to recover from this unaccustomed speed! We won't know if it's malignant or not until surgery - they'll have to biopsy it during surgery. I also get a complete hysterectomy, so my child-bearing days are now definitely over! (which they were anyway).

So if I come back, it will probably be quite a while - the mass is so large and solid that they have to use an old-fashioned large incision - ugh!!!! He's guessing 5 days in the hospital, which in these days of drive-thru surgery is pretty unusual.

I just gotta say one thing - life with Christ is SO worth it. SO worth it! Just unimaginably deep and rich and full and loving, as well as something that is so difficult, but in such a powerfully good way. God doesn't shy away from big incisions, either, if they're indicated, but he's there for the healing, too, and it's SO worth it. Deep wounds reach deep places in the heart, and the healing and growth I've seen in my life is beyond what I could have hoped or dreamed of. Love is indeed the answer, and God is love.

Again, thanks for all of your support and friendship, and for sharing your thoughts and hearts with me over the past few years. I'll never forget the first time I saw the Moot, and how wonderful it was to discuss our beloved Tolkien with other people who actually knew who Frodo and Fingon were. His works have brought such beauty into my life, as have you all.

[Nerdanel]

I really hope your surgery goes well and you recover quickly, to find out that it was benign. Thinking of you and your family.

[Alcuin]

RÃ*an, you are in our prayers. Hope you are recovering and feeling better.

[Rían]

Thank you, thank you, thank you! everyone, for your good wishes and prayers!

I dropped by today for a minute to give you guys an update - I'm between recovering from surgery and starting chemo. I have ovarian cancer, which usually has a very low survival rate, but they caught it very early which is quite unusual. I'm stage 1 level (?) 3 . The tumor was intact and they couldn't see any spread. I had 18 samples from surgery come back negative, but the last one, the abdominal wash, showed cancer cells, so that moved me to the 3. The good thing is that I lost 20 pounds in 3 weeks, though!

Surgery recovery has been slow because of my other health issues, but I finally started feeling a bit better this week. I was able to enjoy my middle son's high school graduation on Friday, and was able to enjoy some time with my oldest son, who came home to visit and rest for 2 weeks before starting work back at college for the summer. I've had some great time with my daughter, with whom I'm very close. She has offered to cut off her long, pretty hair when I start to lose my hair and have to shave my head. She wants to donate the hair to an organization that takes it and uses it for cancer patients, and she wants to have short hair to better match her bald mom She really has a sweet heart, and I accepted her offer - she really wants to do it.

I'm having a quick surgery Tuesday to install a port in a vein for the chemo, and I start chemo Thursday. It will be 18 weeks of once a week treatments. Supposedly the nausea isn't as bad, because they have better nausea drugs - that would be nice. I should start losing my hair in 2 to 3 weeks, at which time I'll just shave my head. I was given a catalogue of all sorts of handy stuff during my chemo "boot camp" - things you just wouldn't think of, like caps to wear at night when you're losing your hair so the hair won't get all over the pillow; caps to wear at night when you're bald so your head won't get cold; stencils to draw in eyebrows so you don't look so much like an alien and of course all sorts of cute hats! I've always loved hats, so I'll probably go with hats instead of wigs, although I'll wait and see if it might be handy (or fun!) to get a wig, too. My husband says he's fine with whatever I want - just the right answer

So ... that's the update. I have no idea what's in store, but am glad that God walks through it with me, and has given me many good and loving friends and family members to come alongside, too.

ps - I should be bald at Christmas, so I'm planning on dressing up as a light bulb and painting my head red or green!

[Valandil]

Yay!

[Earniel]

Glad to hear the news and yay for supportive family! (Your daughter sounds like a real sweetheart.)

[Mari]

It sounds positive for as far as cancer can be. I'm very grateful that you keep us up to date, Rian!
May all go as easily and pain-free as possible *hugs*

[Insidious Rex]

Stay strong. And would it be against the rules to have them save your daughters hair so you could wear it? Assuming that wouldnt be weird for you. Would be strongly symbolic if nothing else.

[Varnafindë]

Glad to hear that you have some good news!

*will keep on praying*

[Rían]

Thanks guys - it's so nice to see the support here, especially since I can't get out much now.

Rexy, she wants to give her hair to a child's program, which I like (I think it's harder for kids), and it takes I think about 15 or so donations to make a wig, so I think it would just be too much to keep track of, although it would be really, REALLY cool! Besides, I think I'm going the bald route basically, except for if there's an event for the kids where a bald mom would distract from them. I love hats, so I'll get some fun ones.

OK, 1 chemo treatment down, 17 to go ... I think there's a few old-timers here that remember that one lady that went thru (IIRC) breast cancer treatments - what was her name? Oh yes, Artanis.

[Snowdog]

Wow, just read this. But then I don't come around much.
May you get through this and come through this stronger RÃ*an.
Thoughts, prayers, positive vibes, and all are going out to you.

[Rían]

Wow, long time, Snowdog! Nice to see you Thanks for the good wishes!

Bit of a shock today - my hair started coming out A lot of hair on the floor of the shower, then whenever I ran my hand thru my hair, I got a small handful of hair ... and even when the wind blew once, some hair blew out across my face then away in the wind!